Merry Holidays

The War on Christmas wages on, but I am taking a much needed leave from the front lines.  It has been bleak to say the least.  Just when I thought we would no longer hear any utterances of, well, you know, I was innocently headed into the grocery store when I overheard one woman wish another woman a “merry Christmas.”  Ever vigilant, and mindful of the casualties this conflict has produced, I sprang into action.  I puffed out my magnificent chest and loudly berated her in that parking lot until she broke down and started blubbering on with some nonsense about baby Jesus’s birthday and such.  I was having none of that.  Now that I am flush with funding from Obama’s sinister 15 cent Christmas tree tax, I assured her that I could hold my position indefinitely, and she had better remove that ugly word from her already limited vocabulary.  Had she not climbed into her SUV and locked the door, I’d have pointed out to her that baby Jesus was in fact born either early Spring or late Summer.  “This month is for us pagans!” I screamed.

Whew.  Anyway, I hope my family, my friends, and my readers all have a wonderful Holiday.  I got some news today that I should be sad about, but I am secretly happy about instead.  It involves a nasty break-up and my oldest daughter, but the result could mean she will come and stay with us for a decade or so.  Now THATS a Christmas present, dammit.

Please be safe, eat too much, drink responsibly, and remember to call people you are too busy for through-out the year.  I shall have a gaggle of rabble rousing friends here this weekend, and there shall be merriment and animal sacrifices.

All most all of you   some of you a couple of you one of my readers was struggling what to get me as a present this year, and I know how much anxiety that can bring about, so, in an effort to make your life easier and better, this is what I want:

I can take delivery almost any time, again, if this lifts at least some of your burden.  I’m good like that.  Be well.



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11 responses to “Merry Holidays


    Great post! Festive greetings to you as well!

  2. Well, my good friend—-After purchasing the vehicle of your choice, it ran so nicely and was so pretty, I have decided to keep it.

    Be on the lookout for a box of Oranges instead.

    Love and joy to you, pb

  3. Trust me.. You’d hate that truck..almost no truck bed to it and it’s all plastic and tacky, anyway. I’m not getting you that and I’m doing you a favor

  4. dEaR Amck:

    de,mnoxoMne buYEd Yu tEh trucK. He waNdz U toW sedn hYm sumTheeng tu seA iff IT kan kery stupH ritE, HE wondz tun oV thEm GolieAth Bonz 4 doGz. Hee aksed me, Budi, to sEnt this, he’z tAkeen shower, oK?

  5. Mack:

    Sorry, I was washing off the jell-o (now, THAT, was a Christmas PARTAY!) in the shower and when I came out Buddy was over in the corner, behind the sofa, where he thinks he has a cloak of invisibility. I thought he crapped on the floor, but, no dogdoo, so then I went to find out what he broke–nada. Then I clicked on here and see that message he sent you.

    Buddy pisses me off at times. It’ s not his typing skills (when I got him, he was damned near illiterate) it’s the spelling AND the lying!

    Merry Xmas.

  6. Better to let lying dogs sleep.

  7. I was sitting closing one of the many gaps around doors and windows this morning when I saw a guy creeping around on my front porch. He looked suspicious, so I opened the door to see what he was up to. He whirled around and said, “Hey, Merry Christmas–I have stuff for you!”.

    It was an artist/chef/homeschooler dad I met a while back. He used to live down the street but he and his family moved to the other side of town to a house that’s three blocks walk from his wife’s job at the kolidge lieberry.

    He delivered the following items: pork roast en croute w/ a lovely sauce, lobster bisque, quiche, a tray of cookies and some coffee cake. I already had a refrigerator packed to the max, but it sure was nice to get some of his cooking–he is damned good! He also gave me a painting that he had done recently. His work is surreal and a bit reminiscent of Gauguin, I love it!

    Today was the best Christmas I’ve had in years. My home was a toasty 57 degrees (don’t laugh, last year it was about 45 degrees). I had tons of good food and then got more! I received a lovely new piece of artwork and I got a phone call from an old pal AND to top it off, I got to take Buddy for three walks (he made me say that!).

  8. Sounds like you had an awesome day. You deserve it. Now, why 57 degrees? Have you not addressed your heating needs yet?

  9. I got my pellet stove and bags of fuel which also serve as a defensive bulwark in case anyothem Oswego County Crips try to do a “sled by shooting” to get their filthy hands on my collection of 8-track tapes.

    At some point when I have more money (after I get out of debt) I’ll probably put in a small HE gas boiler. Currently the stove is heating the entire house and at a cost of about $ 4.50 a day (40 pounds of pellets). When it gets COLD (below 20 degrees during the day, below 10 degrees overnight) I will be useing 60-80 pounds per day to maintain a temperature that is livable for me and the pooch. Buddy is a better temperature gauge than all of my thermometers, including the wireless one from the weather channel. At the moment he’s telling me it’s juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuust right. He’s lying atop BOTH of his blankets instead of being burrowed into at least one of them.

    I really don’t mind it being between 55 and 60 in the house. ‘sides, I can blame all my typos on the mittens!

  10. Yea, I could make 55-60 work…but I live with females, and call me a chauvinistic pig if you like, who can’t handle it below 75 degrees.

    What are you going to do when it’s a three dog night?

  11. Mack:

    Buddy says in his pre-snip days, a three dog night was nothin’ special. I told him that was NOT the sort of “three dog night” that you had in mind. He’s incorrigible.

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