The War on Christmas wages on, but I am taking a much needed leave from the front lines. It has been bleak to say the least. Just when I thought we would no longer hear any utterances of, well, you know, I was innocently headed into the grocery store when I overheard one woman wish another woman a “merry Christmas.” Ever vigilant, and mindful of the casualties this conflict has produced, I sprang into action. I puffed out my magnificent chest and loudly berated her in that parking lot until she broke down and started blubbering on with some nonsense about baby Jesus’s birthday and such. I was having none of that. Now that I am flush with funding from Obama’s sinister 15 cent Christmas tree tax, I assured her that I could hold my position indefinitely, and she had better remove that ugly word from her already limited vocabulary. Had she not climbed into her SUV and locked the door, I’d have pointed out to her that baby Jesus was in fact born either early Spring or late Summer. “This month is for us pagans!” I screamed.
Whew. Anyway, I hope my family, my friends, and my readers all have a wonderful Holiday. I got some news today that I should be sad about, but I am secretly happy about instead. It involves a nasty break-up and my oldest daughter, but the result could mean she will come and stay with us for a decade or so. Now THATS a Christmas present, dammit.
Please be safe, eat too much, drink responsibly, and remember to call people you are too busy for through-out the year. I shall have a gaggle of rabble rousing friends here this weekend, and there shall be merriment and animal sacrifices.
All most all of you some of you a couple of you one of my readers was struggling what to get me as a present this year, and I know how much anxiety that can bring about, so, in an effort to make your life easier and better, this is what I want:
I can take delivery almost any time, again, if this lifts at least some of your burden. I’m good like that. Be well.