Monthly Archives: December 2010

Before The Holidays

Don’t want to dampen any Holiday spirit that might be lurking about, but I wanted to get this in under the wire.  I am not making a point about DADT, but rather a point about how we are all forced to engage with rules and policies put in effect by over-educated and under-experienced people.  NPR was interviewing a young soldier who said, simply, the DADT policy was impossible, especially for front line units, because the soldiers tend to bond quickly and firmly.  The kid said “you are always being asked, always having to tell, or to lie.  Whats your girlfriend’s name?  Are you married?  Bringing a date to this event or that function?”  And there it is.

I am pretty familiar with a few policies of one of this State’s largest employers, and I am amused by how much wasted time and effort exists there because too few of the people setting policy have any clue what it means to front line personnel.  I see it all the time in the restaurant business.  One case in point, (because i don’t want to be a scrooge here) is the mind-numbingly stupid policy that every available server must drop what they are doing and go loudly sing some variance of the Happy Birthday Song to some embarrassed guest.  Servers hate it.  Its humiliating and a complete waste of valuable time.  They can be rolling silverware, re-filling drinks, pre-bussing tables, running food, expediting orders, or, for crissakes, having a quick smoke.  Some Corporate bigwigs who never wiped a table clean in their lives decided the American people wanted to be badly serenaded  by complete strangers while they eat, and by Gawd, thats what we’ll do!

Y’all know what a camel is?  Its a horse, designed by committee.


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More December Drive Bys

The very definition of surreal:

A guy stands up at a school board meeting, spray paints some kind of symbol on the wall, and then proceeds to take everyone hostage.  He releases the women present, and even after one of them swings her purse at him,  he doesn’t fire.  He then walks to the center of the room, and fires several rounds at point blank range toward the board members seated in front of him, missing each time.  A security guard fires at him from much further away, and the guy falls wounded to the floor.  He then takes his own life.  Yes, the woman was brave, and the guard did his job, but I’m left wondering if the guy really had murder in mind?  I mean, you have to be a pretty crack shot to MISS from that distance.  Any chance this guy just wanted to terrorize this group of people?  We’ll never know.

The Senate will most likely find a way to screw up the DADT repeal.

Who knew that a fraction of people receiving long term unemployment benefits could wield so much power?

Dear companies that I buy stuff from:  I don’t need several emails a day from you telling me about your latest promotion.  I really don’t.

It doesn’t seem mad to require people moving across borders to have proper documentation, but a shipment of automatic weapons doesn’t bother us that much?

Nobody thought that what amounted to a tarp thrown across a stadium in MINNESOTA might give way in a snow storm?  I’ve been there in July, and needed a light jacket.

Watched guys install some carpet yesterday.  These days, you can buy carpet that has yarn infused in it, is stain resistant (including pet urine), and is woven in a manner that prevents something called “pilling.”  They have made some serious strides in the production of floor covering…yet, unbelievably, the guys still install it by slamming their middle-aged knees into a padded steel bar.  Whine to them about carpal tunnel.

I find it comforting to know the areas behind my stove and fridge are clean and debris free.

One day, I’ll use my phone to make dozens of calls, send and receive several emails and text messages, adjust the roster of my fantasy football team, watch a “how to” video on Youtube, and still have a few bars left in my battery.  The next day, after re-charging, I won’t even pick it up and my battery is almost dead.  It’s all quite random.

I somehow wound up on the Davidson Conservatives email list.  Man, these guys like to meet.  I’d sooner make love to a llama.

I have the most complimentary spam.


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Will There Be Mimosas With Breakfast?

Gotta love Lord John Marbury.  The world is going to hell in a handcart, and he still keeps his priorities straight.

Well, most of you know that Southern Beale took the month of November off.  She received permission to do this from Progressive Central, on the condition that I do the same.  We spent the month trying to rekindle our torrid love affair in the Bahamas.  That’s all I can say about that.

Rather than try to write a long post deconstructing whats been written about this past month, I’ve decided to just write down some observations and random “aha” moments that occurred throughout this past Fall season:  In no particular order:

Chickens are stupid, shit-full birds.  I once thought I would have difficulty killing and eating something I’ve cared for, but I’m actually looking forward to wringing their tiny necks and serving them with snaps beans and an amusing but never precocious Pinot Grigio.

Android phones allow a person to carry the entire world in a trouser pocket.  I now know what the fuss was about.  I’m also waiting for Brett Favre to sext me.  It could happen.

A good friend of mine, recently screwed over by his landlord and “partner”, has gone solo and opened up his very own tattoo shop, “Darkside Tattoo” and he is located in White House, Tn.  He does beautiful work, if you are in the market for some ink, hit him up, he’ll treat you right.

Retrofitting bath tubs, especially into corners that aren’t plumb or square, isn’t very much fun.  Neither is crawling under a cabin to cut away portions of the floor joists, particularly when there is barely enough crawlspace clearance to slide in a Saltine.  Just sayin.

We have finally reached parity in the NFL.  Any given Sunday indeed.

The Democrats suck.  The Republicans suck.  The Tea Party sucks.  The media suck.  Not a leader to be found.

I’ve been back in the car business for 4 months.  After paying everything, I made 12 bucks.  I did better than a lot of guys who buy at auction and re-sell.  Plus, some nice people are driving nice cars and trucks that I found.  There is actually something really cool about that.  I hope to make 24 dollars next year!

I have awesome kids.

I have an an awesome wife.

I have awesome friends.

I can throw a 175 gram polymer disc 300 ft with alarming accuracy, but can’t toss it 10 feet and hit a basket nearly three feet wide.

My snack of choice is now baked Pita chips and a glass of ice cold Pepsi.

If people don’t start remembering what banks are for, Wall St. is going to bankrupt this country long before our entitlement programs can do it.  Seriously, aren’t people paying attention?

Shopping for “Dirty Santa” gifts is harder than it sounds.

Sadly, I am on a first name basis with every employee at Lowes.

Dear Netflix, you said it would take 2 years to go through your entire library.  I almost done.  I’ll pay the extra two bucks, but could you please buy the rights to some decent movies?

Can someone tell me why it’s necessary to allow certain Facebook applications to rummage through my private info?

More later.


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