Mini-Tournament On Wednesday

The Place:  Cedar Hill Park, Hell, Tn.  A world renowned course originally designed to discourage beginners from taking up the sport.  Narrow, twisty, danger-filled fairways make up the easy holes.  Some holes are so long that they offer overnight accommodations.  Number 18 has dense, briery briers that can rip through steel-toed boots. The trees have been genetically altered so that they subsist on polymers.  The front-nine has areas of jungle that would make the Viet-Cong go around it.  Rabbit, deer, fox, black bear, anacondas and scorpions call this place home.  Dogs and children have a better than 50/50 shot at surviving this course.  

The Time:  1800 hrs.  For you Conservatives , that’s when the big hand is on the 12, and the little hand is on the six.

The Players:

Travel-lodge, youngest and strongest of the group.  Has exceptional distance and is getting better at control.  Approach shots can sometimes stymie him, and lately, putting has been his greatest weakness.  Consistently wins doubles match-ups except when paired with Mack.

Andy Green, also known as Rock-Solid.  Quiet, unassuming, but dogged in the pursuit of par.  You just never see him coming.  Possesses a dry wit, and can distract even seasoned players with a particularly ascerbic observation.  Do not take him for granted!

John Lamb, who will, not suprisingly, answer to just “Lamb.”  A gentle soul who makes a comfortable companion while strolling the hills and valleys of local courses.  Inconsistent, but capable of beating you on any hole.  He will, of course, do so nicely and politely.

Wes Neal.  He’s a big tattooed fucker people call “Wes-squatch.  Avoid him in the woods at all costs.

Mack Farmer, the grand imperial wizard class player.  Older than dirt.  Either throws a fast runner out at first or launches an error into the right field stands.  Has eleven different styles of putting.  Good, solid approach player, and can “up” with either RHBH or RHFH.  Dislikes weedy, thorny, or wet areas.  His bag often makes people mistake him for a hobo.  Rolls an awesome cigarette.

Brian Evans, who I vaguely remember, but who must have been a capable player or I would have taunted him more.  Has never played Cedar Hill.  I suggest we take his money.


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2 responses to “Mini-Tournament On Wednesday

  1. wesquatch

    this is fantastic….and just for the record im a cuddle bug

  2. In other news: there is a Hell, TN? For real?

    Weather report for next week shows several days of 100+ degrees, with a LOW of upper 70s. This is hell.

    I am so moving somewhere else next summer.

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