Josh, at some point it just seems like piling on, and I take no pleasure in being cruel, but you must be spending many a sleepless night with this guy hot on your rounded heels. We really want this seat back, buddy, so we unleashed the stoutest, most ninja-like candidate evah. You won’t ever see him coming, that’s for sure. My sense of honor and fairness tells me I should level the playing field a little, and so I’m going to “leak” a little info about our guy’s strategy to win! As you are well aware, he has a war chest of over 8,000 dollars to spend. That’s an 8 with three zeros after it, my brother. I’ll give you a minute to collect yourself….
Here is what our boy, flush with campaign cash, can buy:
What the hell else would a ninja drive? It is the perfect vehicle for driving around the 66th, meeting each and every voter in their own driveway. Plus, its all stealthy and stout looking. Blends right in, in any community! Can you see the interior through the glass windows? Of course you can’t, I told you…it’s stealthy. Top-end is around 140 mph, so our candidate will make excellent time. Take a good long look, Josh, this is what the death of your legislative career looks like. A souped-up shit brown four door sedan. A freakin Ford Crown Vick. With tiny little hubcaps! Please don’t go near your guns for a few days. Let this humiliation pass, son.
I feel a little traitorous, though, by letting this info out. So, me and a couple of my Liberal friends have decided to not contribute or canvass in an effort to make this a wash. It’s entirely possible we may not even notice what our candidate is doing.
BTW, just do us a favor, would ya? Stop telling the ridiculous lie that we Liberals are bringing in out of State money in an effort to beat you. For cryin out loud, we are not even bringing in out of COUNTY money to beat you. Plus, don’t you find it, um, dishonest to suggest that our candidate has raised “most” of his money out of the county, when all but 850 dollars of yours was raised out-side Robertson County?