True Blood Brothers

Well, I had to finish out the season of True Blood.  I think I’ll spend some time this Winter reading the books, since I need to know where the hell Alan Ball thinks he is going with this storyline, which, I’ve called campy, but my brother more accurately described as cartoonish.  Good Lord, they’ve gone and reduced scary Eric to a ball-less, sniveling vampire metrosexual.  He will never, ever be the same.  In fact, right now, I couldn’t give a rat’s ass what happens to him, or all those morons that live in Bon Temps.  I have to care about them, or why watch next season? I like Sam a little, I guess.  Bah, silly show.

Speaking of my brother…

He is completely out of his mind.  I mean, he has always been able to make me laugh, or make me mad, but this time I’m really concerned.  He likes jokes.  The dumber, the better.  Every corny joke I know can be traced back to my big brother.  Yeah, I know I should be acknowledging that he taught me how to fight, and throw a football and shoot a jump shot, but all that gets negated by the fact that my head is filled with lousy punchlines from lousy jokes.  Anyway, just when I thought I had endured the worst he had to offer…

Apparently, on a bet, he concocted a poem .   The weird thing, and the thing that made me laugh all day yesterday, isn’t the poem, but the fact that he found himself in a situation where he accepted a bet that he could rhyme the word phlebotomist:

I was feeling a little bit off,

Just sitting there, in the gloom

Had a bit of cold and a hacking cough,

So I called the emergency room

I told them I felt dizzy,

Didn’t know just what to say,

They said “we’re not too busy,

Can you come in today?”

When I went in they gathered round me,

Asked if I felt ill,

The part I didn’t know is,

They were trying to pad the bill

They took me to a bed, behind a big white curtain,

And told me to undress,

How much do I remove? I really wasn’t certain.

Totally nude was what I guessed

So I stripped from top to bottomus,

And I was looking for a gown,

When in walked the phlebotomist,

Who asked me with a frown

“What do you think your doing?

You’re weird, you know that bud?

I don’t want to see your thing,

I only want your blood”

She grabbed my arm and squeezed it tight

And plunged the needle in,

I hollered out in pain and fright

And said “OK, I give, you win”

She left and I just sat there,

Naked on the table

Started saying a prayer,

When I heard, “Hi, I’m Dr. Mable”

Her eyes were bright her voice so sweet

An answer from above,

My blood did race my heart did beat,

Then, I heard the glove

I turned around and tried to stand

But my knees were way to weak,

She said “let me help, I understand.

Now kindly spread your cheeks.

It’s funny how things can change your life.

You never know which way,

It’s been 5 years and we’re man and wife,

And we play “doctor” every day.

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1 Comment

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One response to “True Blood Brothers

  1. Don’t bother reading the books. Ball diverged wildly from them from the getgo. Besides which, they aren’t that good, IMO.

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