On Saturday, my friends and I will attend the funeral and do our best to honor her memory by truly enjoying life and all that comes with it.  I couldn’t think of much to say to my friend’s wife, except that.  I told her that she should spend the day near the people she loves, and doing whatever makes her happiest.  Eat ice cream.  Play video games with her kids.  Watch her favorite movie.  Whatever.  By then she will have had several days of wondering and crying and even blaming, all the things grieving people need to do.  But I can’t help thinking that once people have gathered to pay respects, and the obligatory words have all been uttered, it is time to celebrate the fact that we are alive, and healthy, and loved.  Everything else is icing on the cake.  The young lady we are mourning may have been better served to remember those things.

I was close to writing a very involved post about the details of this tragedy, and perhaps even segue to a rant about the unrealistic expectations young people have about marriage and relationships, and fairy tales we tell our daughters in particular.  But in the end I decided that right now, I’m too angry, and that will be clear in my writing.

Quite a few of you dropped me a note yesterday, and I wanted to acknowledge and thank you.


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5 responses to “Saturday

  1. Your advice to your friend’s wife is good advice.

    About unrealistic expectations: it has taken almost 41 years for me to learn that lesson. There are many factors that went into them (being taught that you aren’t complete unless you are married, religion, etc.), which when you ever do that post you’re considering, I’d love to go into. You are so right about making sure that our daughters have a realistic view of relationships from a young age. I just pray for balance…between being realistic and not making them pessimistic.



  2. democommie



  3. I didn’t read this ’til last night, Mack. I’m so sorry. How simply awful. Will be thinking of you.

  4. two of my friends died recently. i like your outlook. its encouraging to me… thanks.

  5. Of course, we’d probably disagree about expectations and marriage, but who knows?

    All I know is that this isn’t the best context to discuss it in.

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