I love this guy.  When you have time, check out his other stuff on YouTube.

“I’m the Pauly Shore of everyday life, muthafucker.”  God thats funny.

Anybody out there ever taken a canow trip down the Harpeth?  I’ve found three providers, I’m wondering if there are advantages to using one over another?  Any river people out there?  My choices are Canoe Music City, Foggy Bottom Canoe, and Tip A Canoe.

But, in my defense, it was more of an innocent roll in the hay, not anything remotely contractual…

Brian Kilmeade has outed me.

Jesus, what a fucking moron.

This really is a chapter of American history that I hope is mercifully brief.  I think that there are a couple of obvious explanations for Mrs. Palin’s decision to pack up and go home, and also for her  melt-down when announcing it.  But, like it or not, there is a HUGE segment of the American population that will not entertain any other explanations except the ones Mrs. Palin herself offers.  I’ve looked around on the web, and, predictably, I’ve seen people giving full throated support to this idea that some kind of orchestrated hit job finally took her down.  Because shes a woman.  Because shes a Christian.  Because shes a mother of a Downs Syndrome baby.  Because she hunts and fishes. And because, dammitall, shes a maverick.

Each victimological sub-set is a sizable demographic in itself.  (Its my blog, I’ll make up words if I damn well please)

There are others, of course.  Straight-shooters, or, relatedly, plain-speaking folks, are, as we know, prime targets for ridicule and scorn by the educated and other elites.  Simple country folk are an endangered species in her world, and she has long tried to emulate what she thinks they are about. She has a special gift that enables her to know what appeals to many Americans, and she cast herself as all things we tend to think we are, but sadly, haven’t been in several generations.  Self reliant.  Diligent.  Literate.

Many Americans watched her and hoped that, vicariously at least, they too could rise to power and fame or wealth without really having to be competent at something.  How much more American is it than to simply proclaim that you are this, and then blame everyone else when it turns out you are that.  If that reads as overly judgemental, bear in mind I consider myself as American as anyone.  It takes one to know one.

That said, I take some comfort knowing that even someone as shrewd and calculating as Mrs. Palin will eventually, publicly, reach her level of incompetence.  It took a perfect political storm to propel her from obscurity to national fame, a blip in the Matrix, maybe, but thankfully only that, a blip, and one that self-corrected pretty quickly.

Fortunately, for her, she came out from under the ether in time to cash in.  The McCain campaign’s selection of Mrs. Palin, coupled with her willingness to pose before the entire world as someone qualified to question Barack Obama’s experience and patriotism, ensured that she will make a tidy living as someone’s shill.  Fox.  The GOP.  There are a handful of families that will keep her gainfully employed.  She has a family to support, and I can’t fault her one bit.  Imagine the pull it must be to stand in front of a crowd that views you as larger than life.  Mrs. Palin will wow them in Tuscaloosa, in Muncie, and in Lubbock…for now.  In the midst of a National Republican Primary, her own party would likely put her through a Hell that would make the Dems seem polite and accommodating by comparison.  She may have asked John McCain about his experience in South Carolina a couple of years back. If she somehow managed to weather it all and win, she would then be expected to perform, and, shit, Obama has been in office half a year and he looks like hell.  (Ha, maybe I should pivot here to make a point about diminishing returns)  Nah.

As I said, the are a number of plausible explanations at the ready, believe it or not, Southern Beale has weighed in with her own take, but as complicated as it may seem, I think I believe Mrs. Palin simply became aware of her limitations, and there should be no shame in that.  I think she made a smart move.

H/T:  Rock Solid

I’ve been kicking around the internets for quite some time, long enough to have learned a little about how people argue or debate, and probably long enough to recognise when doing so is futile…no matter how well framed, how nicely supported by facts, or how diplomatically presented, many of us are already forming a rebuttal long before we’ve finished reading someone’s side of an issue.  Its not always done with malice, some people just like the mental exercise, and I will tolerate that to a point, especially if the issue isn’t particularly important to me at that moment.  To clarify, I would be much more patient arguing about, say, steroid use in professional sports, than I would be on  matters  like war, choice, or immigration.

Some of us, however, do not give in to cynicism, and work hard to find ways to communicate with those they disagree with.  I’m not one of those people.  John Lamb, of Hispanic Nashville, is one of those people.  Periodically, he will share something he is writing with me, looking for input on language or just in need of a sounding board.  I always appreciate the fact that he places some value on my opinion.  (Or, he stuck me in an email group long ago, and hasn’t bothered to remove my addy from it)

John recently offered two letters he was about to send to certain elected officials, (something most of us don’t do enough) and I asked him if I could share my favorite here at The Chronicles:

In light of your recent letter advocating for the right to carry concealed weapons into Legislative Plaza, the better to protect the Second Amendment rights of law-abiding citizens, I feel compelled to exercise my First Amendment rights a little…

Lets be real about this for a minute, okay?  Seriously, all of this high minded talk about Constitutional integrity has little to do with this proposal, or with any of the ridiculous gun laws enacted here in Tennessee.  What the grown-ups know is this:  you and too many other men still have a childish fascination with guns.  I get it, I really do.  They are beautiful things, aren’t they?  All shiny and phallic and powerful.  Western pop culture has convinced you all that all your tiny fears will end if you are armed with The Right Gun.  I saw Dirty Harry.  Wasn’t it cool when he had a bead on that bad guy’s head and asked “feel lucky, punk?”  Then BOOM! BOOM!  No more bad guy.  Awesome.

As I said, the grown-ups know differently.  We know that if someone is intent on taking you out, it won’t be at 20 paces in some pasture.  They won’t seek to exchange gunfire.  They will either put you in the crosshairs of a good scope, and take you from a safe distance, or, they will simply walk up and pull the trigger so fast that you will have no time to react.  That is the real world of gunplay.  I’ll bet dollars to donuts that if some deranged gunman walked into your church service and opened fire, (which, if memory serves, happened to a bunch of nice folks in Knoxville recently) your first inclination will be to seek cover, not return fire.  That takes a set of balls, and quite a bit of training.  Everyone ain’t cut out for that.  Inviting guns into Legislative Plaza, especially given the state of politics around these parts, is beyond irresponsible.  Ask Harvey Milk’s family.  Or Bill Gwatney’s.

Look, Josh, I have some guns.  Periodically (once a year or so) I take them out, fire them at targets, then lovingly clean them, apply a thin coat of oil, and I put them away.  Its a fun two hours or so.  Heres the thing, Sport.  I also periodically go around and start all of my small engines during the Winter.  I apply lube to the working parts of my tractors.  I change the oil in my vehicles on a regular basis.  These are important tools in my life.  Yes, including the guns.  When I travel with my family, I carry one in the car.  (I don’t give a rats ass if I have a legal right to do so from State to State.  If I point and fire my weapon at someone to protect me and mine, I’m well past the point of worrying what law Enforcement might do to me.).  A few years back, a wounded buck showed up on the property and I had to put him down.  I am thankful that I wasn’t forced to do this with a machete.  Messy as hell, huh?

So, I firmly and completely side with those that believe we have a right to own a gun.  Then, if y’all don’t mind, I’m pretty much done talking about them.  Sure, every once in awhile, someone will be over that I think might appreciate a well made firearm, and I will show him or her my stuff.  Thankfully, in my life, I have more friends that will show real appreciation for a 18v cordless drill, or a bad-ass chain saw, or tractor implement.  Because those things have way way way more real life applications.  The grown ups can relate.  My friend Rock Solid has a lawn tractor with fucking front end suspension, dammit.  It has a heavy metal deck, a long, thick, black roll bar, and a cupholder.  I covet this machine.  I could care less if he purchased an Uzi.  Even still, Joshie, him and I don’t meet three days a week to practice mowing stripes in our lawns.  We haven’t formed a political PAC or organization that makes sure we have a right to own these tools.  The thing is, you can have my mower without prying it from my cold, dead fingers.

Josh, my boy, I have a little secret to share with ya.  An obsession with guns doesn’t make you appear more manly.  The women aren’t impressed.  I promise you that.  A good sense of humor will get you laid long before displaying your arsenal will.  A paycheck helps too, btw.

So, what else you got?  See, we have quite a few well-armed, unemployed people here in our County.  We have terrible issues with drug and alcohol abuse.  We aren’t attracting employers or encouraging entrepreneurs that can make a real difference to the quality of life here.  We have way too many single moms, that, if asked, would sooner claim a right to affordable medical care for their children than to own a 9mm handgun.  Our farms are disappearing, and our brightest children move away to make their living.  Your constituents need you.  They need you to know what their priorities are, and they would appreciate it if you worked hard to make their lives a little easier.

It truly is time for you to man up a little.

Good Grief.  Now Billy Mays has gone and died. At 50, folks.  Farrah, Ed McMahon, Michael Jackson, Gov Mark Sanford, (oh, sorry, he just wishes he were dead) and now television’s most famous pitchman. Thats four, and I think I’m missing someone who passed recently.   Its weird, I seldom if ever comment on celebrity deaths, I could usually care less about celebrities in the first place…but this has been an ambitious run for the Grim Reaper.

Pretty striking parallels, if you ask me, to a certain republic South of Canada, North of Mexico…

H/T:  Notes From The Underground

No brainer for this one, huh?  I picked this because of the intro featuring Cosby and Tommy Smothers: