Monthly Archives: July 2010

Mini-Tournament On Wednesday

The Place:  Cedar Hill Park, Hell, Tn.  A world renowned course originally designed to discourage beginners from taking up the sport.  Narrow, twisty, danger-filled fairways make up the easy holes.  Some holes are so long that they offer overnight accommodations.  Number 18 has dense, briery briers that can rip through steel-toed boots. The trees have been genetically altered so that they subsist on polymers.  The front-nine has areas of jungle that would make the Viet-Cong go around it.  Rabbit, deer, fox, black bear, anacondas and scorpions call this place home.  Dogs and children have a better than 50/50 shot at surviving this course.  

The Time:  1800 hrs.  For you Conservatives , that’s when the big hand is on the 12, and the little hand is on the six.

The Players:

Travel-lodge, youngest and strongest of the group.  Has exceptional distance and is getting better at control.  Approach shots can sometimes stymie him, and lately, putting has been his greatest weakness.  Consistently wins doubles match-ups except when paired with Mack.

Andy Green, also known as Rock-Solid.  Quiet, unassuming, but dogged in the pursuit of par.  You just never see him coming.  Possesses a dry wit, and can distract even seasoned players with a particularly ascerbic observation.  Do not take him for granted!

John Lamb, who will, not suprisingly, answer to just “Lamb.”  A gentle soul who makes a comfortable companion while strolling the hills and valleys of local courses.  Inconsistent, but capable of beating you on any hole.  He will, of course, do so nicely and politely.

Wes Neal.  He’s a big tattooed fucker people call “Wes-squatch.  Avoid him in the woods at all costs.

Mack Farmer, the grand imperial wizard class player.  Older than dirt.  Either throws a fast runner out at first or launches an error into the right field stands.  Has eleven different styles of putting.  Good, solid approach player, and can “up” with either RHBH or RHFH.  Dislikes weedy, thorny, or wet areas.  His bag often makes people mistake him for a hobo.  Rolls an awesome cigarette.

Brian Evans, who I vaguely remember, but who must have been a capable player or I would have taunted him more.  Has never played Cedar Hill.  I suggest we take his money.

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Free Speech

Take 1 minute and watch.  Big ol’ tip of the Hat to Mr. Voorhies.

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BASTA!

Damn.  That’s a great gig.

Three quarters of a million a year.  Of course, they are on call a lot.

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We Almost Lost Miha

Yesterday, I headed to the barn and climbed atop the tractor, and as usual Miha came with me.  I’m not sure what happened, but my guess is the walk there (I drive) made her hot, and she fell asleep in the barn in very hot weather.  When I finished bush-hogging, I went back to the barn, found her there limp as a dishrag and her tongue was white.  She didn’t respond at all, but her eyes were open and I could barely detect breathing.  I tossed her into the truck cab and hauled ass to the creek, and placed her in the water and talked to her the whole time.  After a minute, she began to pant and lick the water, and after 30 minutes, she got on her feet and her tongue went back to pink.  Whew.  Scary.  Check on your pets, folks, if they live outside.

Ok, well, I was going to put her photo here for y’all to see, but instead, let me just say this quietly:

I *#%^&@#% HATE PICASA WITH THE WHITE HEAT OF A THOUSAND SUNS!  Least intuitive application on the planet.  Hate it.  Hate the guy who invented it.  I hate his whole family.

UPDATE:  Found the picture with a different program:

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Early Voting

Busy day ahead, but I was PROUD to cast a vote for Ben Leming this morning.

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Nowhere To Run, Rep. Evans

Josh, at some point it just seems like piling on, and I take no pleasure in being cruel, but you must be spending many a sleepless night with this guy hot on your rounded heels.  We really want this seat back, buddy, so we unleashed the stoutest, most ninja-like candidate evah.  You won’t ever see him coming, that’s for sure.  My sense of honor and fairness tells me I should level the playing field a little, and so I’m going to “leak” a little info about our guy’s strategy to win!  As you are well aware, he has a war chest of over 8,000 dollars to spend.  That’s an 8 with three zeros after it, my brother.  I’ll give you a minute to collect yourself….

Here is what our boy, flush with campaign cash, can buy:

What the hell else would a ninja drive?  It is the perfect vehicle for driving around the 66th, meeting each and every voter in their own driveway.  Plus, its all stealthy and stout looking.  Blends right in, in any community!  Can you see the interior through the glass windows?  Of course you can’t, I told you…it’s stealthy.  Top-end is around 140 mph, so our candidate will make excellent time.  Take a good long look, Josh, this is what the death of your legislative career looks like.  A souped-up shit brown four door sedan.  A freakin Ford Crown Vick.  With tiny little hubcaps!  Please don’t go near your guns for a few days.  Let this humiliation pass, son.

I feel a little traitorous, though, by letting this info out.  So, me and a couple of my Liberal friends have decided to not contribute or canvass in an effort to make this a wash.  It’s entirely possible we may not even notice what our candidate is doing.

BTW, just do us a favor, would ya?  Stop telling the ridiculous lie that we Liberals are bringing in out of State money in an effort to beat you. For cryin out loud, we are not even bringing in out of COUNTY money to beat you.  Plus, don’t you find it, um, dishonest to suggest that our candidate has raised “most” of his money out of the county, when all but 850 dollars of yours was raised out-side Robertson County?

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Win/Win

Unemployed?  Angry about all those “illegals” taking the jobs?  You need to go here and sign up!  Not only will you earn a fair market wage for working the fields in 90 degree heat, you will send an undocumented person home where they belong!  What could be more patriotic?

H/T:  Christian Science Monitor

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Mike Turner, Superhero?

It seems Rep Turner is able to look at a man working and determine whether he is in the country legally.  That, my friends, is powerful stuff.  I’m sending him to a few hospitals in the area to help ferret out those pesky Canadian nurses.

Seriously, I’m with you that companies performing work and receiving Federal funds should make American citizens a priority.  I could even get behind the idea of auditing the I-9s of those companies to ensure the same.  But to give credibility to the argument that we can look at someone and determine their immigration status is not only a rookie mistake, it is a dangerous one.

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No, This Isn’t About You

Dear people of the world,

I no longer intend to accept the following excuses:

I didn’t get your email. Yes you did.  Neither rain nor sleet nor dark of night is applicable here.  My email applications even tell me when it couldn’t deliver for some reason.  If we have exchanged emails in the past, it got there.

I didn’t get/check my voicemail.  Again, yes you did.  Look, the reality is that we all have people that we call right back.  Parents, children, best friend, boss.  No judgments here, I’m just saying that we all check our various communication tools and then we decide who to call back and when.  By not returning the call in a timely manner, you are telling someone that they are not very high on your priority list.  There is nothing wrong with that whatsoever, but be prepared to stop getting calls from that person.

I’m so bad about returning calls/emails. This one sets me off the fastest.  Really? I’m just supposed to embrace that about you?  What if I was “so bad” about finishing your sentences, or cutting you off?  How long would you accept that?  As I pointed to above, this is really a lie.  You are good about getting back to someone, just not me.

I’ve been so busy.  But not too busy to keep posting inane statuses on F/B, right?  Its pretty hard to be online and not be noticed.

Things I will accept as excuses:

I forgot.  Thats fair.  I sort of do the baseball thing here, you know, three strikes and you’re out.  Forget me 3 times, there really isn’t any need to go on, is there?

I dropped my phone in the toilet.  Feel free to use this as often as you want, I find it hilarious and never tire of it.

There are people in my life that are crazy busy, with careers or families or both.  I really respect the ones that take a minute and acknowledge that I have reached out, even if they can’t engage at that moment.  I know that there are plenty of times when I “unplug” and am not reachable, or, more likely, I just don’t have anything to offer right then, but I do my best to get back as quickly as possible.

Dismiss this as needy if you like, but I place a great deal of value on acknowledging people who take the time to write or call, and while I don’t think I should push my expectations onto others, I do feel it necessary to act accordingly and limit or eliminate further contact and free up that time.

That way, I’m not too busy to return calls.

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Hello/Goodbye

Well, that was a bit odd.  Anybody remember Magniloquence?  Out of the blue, she calls and tells me that her mother, two sisters and her are coming through Nashville on the way to Wake Forrest University.  I put the four of them up for the night, we had fruit and lemon cake for breakfast, and they headed out just minutes ago.  Hadn’t seen nor heard from her since 07, but it was a nice surprise that she remembered us here at Coyote Creek.  Good to see ya!

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