Monthly Archives: July 2010

Mini-Tournament On Wednesday

The Place:  Cedar Hill Park, Hell, Tn.  A world renowned course originally designed to discourage beginners from taking up the sport.  Narrow, twisty, danger-filled fairways make up the easy holes.  Some holes are so long that they offer overnight accommodations.  Number 18 has dense, briery briers that can rip through steel-toed boots. The trees have been genetically altered so that they subsist on polymers.  The front-nine has areas of jungle that would make the Viet-Cong go around it.  Rabbit, deer, fox, black bear, anacondas and scorpions call this place home.  Dogs and children have a better than 50/50 shot at surviving this course.  

The Time:  1800 hrs.  For you Conservatives , that’s when the big hand is on the 12, and the little hand is on the six.

The Players:

Travel-lodge, youngest and strongest of the group.  Has exceptional distance and is getting better at control.  Approach shots can sometimes stymie him, and lately, putting has been his greatest weakness.  Consistently wins doubles match-ups except when paired with Mack.

Andy Green, also known as Rock-Solid.  Quiet, unassuming, but dogged in the pursuit of par.  You just never see him coming.  Possesses a dry wit, and can distract even seasoned players with a particularly ascerbic observation.  Do not take him for granted!

John Lamb, who will, not suprisingly, answer to just “Lamb.”  A gentle soul who makes a comfortable companion while strolling the hills and valleys of local courses.  Inconsistent, but capable of beating you on any hole.  He will, of course, do so nicely and politely.

Wes Neal.  He’s a big tattooed fucker people call “Wes-squatch.  Avoid him in the woods at all costs.

Mack Farmer, the grand imperial wizard class player.  Older than dirt.  Either throws a fast runner out at first or launches an error into the right field stands.  Has eleven different styles of putting.  Good, solid approach player, and can “up” with either RHBH or RHFH.  Dislikes weedy, thorny, or wet areas.  His bag often makes people mistake him for a hobo.  Rolls an awesome cigarette.

Brian Evans, who I vaguely remember, but who must have been a capable player or I would have taunted him more.  Has never played Cedar Hill.  I suggest we take his money.

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Free Speech

Take 1 minute and watch.  Big ol’ tip of the Hat to Mr. Voorhies.

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BASTA!

Damn.  That’s a great gig.

Three quarters of a million a year.  Of course, they are on call a lot.

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We Almost Lost Miha

Yesterday, I headed to the barn and climbed atop the tractor, and as usual Miha came with me.  I’m not sure what happened, but my guess is the walk there (I drive) made her hot, and she fell asleep in the barn in very hot weather.  When I finished bush-hogging, I went back to the barn, found her there limp as a dishrag and her tongue was white.  She didn’t respond at all, but her eyes were open and I could barely detect breathing.  I tossed her into the truck cab and hauled ass to the creek, and placed her in the water and talked to her the whole time.  After a minute, she began to pant and lick the water, and after 30 minutes, she got on her feet and her tongue went back to pink.  Whew.  Scary.  Check on your pets, folks, if they live outside.

Ok, well, I was going to put her photo here for y’all to see, but instead, let me just say this quietly:

I *#%^&@#% HATE PICASA WITH THE WHITE HEAT OF A THOUSAND SUNS!  Least intuitive application on the planet.  Hate it.  Hate the guy who invented it.  I hate his whole family.

UPDATE:  Found the picture with a different program:

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Early Voting

Busy day ahead, but I was PROUD to cast a vote for Ben Leming this morning.

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Nowhere To Run, Rep. Evans

Josh, at some point it just seems like piling on, and I take no pleasure in being cruel, but you must be spending many a sleepless night with this guy hot on your rounded heels.  We really want this seat back, buddy, so we unleashed the stoutest, most ninja-like candidate evah.  You won’t ever see him coming, that’s for sure.  My sense of honor and fairness tells me I should level the playing field a little, and so I’m going to “leak” a little info about our guy’s strategy to win!  As you are well aware, he has a war chest of over 8,000 dollars to spend.  That’s an 8 with three zeros after it, my brother.  I’ll give you a minute to collect yourself….

Here is what our boy, flush with campaign cash, can buy:

What the hell else would a ninja drive?  It is the perfect vehicle for driving around the 66th, meeting each and every voter in their own driveway.  Plus, its all stealthy and stout looking.  Blends right in, in any community!  Can you see the interior through the glass windows?  Of course you can’t, I told you…it’s stealthy.  Top-end is around 140 mph, so our candidate will make excellent time.  Take a good long look, Josh, this is what the death of your legislative career looks like.  A souped-up shit brown four door sedan.  A freakin Ford Crown Vick.  With tiny little hubcaps!  Please don’t go near your guns for a few days.  Let this humiliation pass, son.

I feel a little traitorous, though, by letting this info out.  So, me and a couple of my Liberal friends have decided to not contribute or canvass in an effort to make this a wash.  It’s entirely possible we may not even notice what our candidate is doing.

BTW, just do us a favor, would ya?  Stop telling the ridiculous lie that we Liberals are bringing in out of State money in an effort to beat you. For cryin out loud, we are not even bringing in out of COUNTY money to beat you.  Plus, don’t you find it, um, dishonest to suggest that our candidate has raised “most” of his money out of the county, when all but 850 dollars of yours was raised out-side Robertson County?

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Win/Win

Unemployed?  Angry about all those “illegals” taking the jobs?  You need to go here and sign up!  Not only will you earn a fair market wage for working the fields in 90 degree heat, you will send an undocumented person home where they belong!  What could be more patriotic?

H/T:  Christian Science Monitor

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