Look, Ladies. I have removed the old food from the fridge. I wiped down the counters, , scrubbed the floors, and even took a brush to the commodes. I’m pretty sure all of the critters are out, dead and alive. I’ve mowed the surrounding acreage, and dusted the lawns with Sevin powder to keep the ticks and other creepy crawlies away. I did this out of love for the lot of you, but I absolutely, positively refuse to dust the place. It’s a cabin. Wood everywhere. A nightmare to dust. How %$##@!! clean does it have to be?
ok, ok. I’ll dust.
But let me be clear about one thing. It’s A CABIN, not a hayloft. There are flushable commodes, a working fridge (with a freezer) and pots, pans, fucking blenders AND a microwave. I’ve replaced the corn-cobs with something more delicate for you to wipe your delicate bottoms. Theres a fancy electric telephone that requires no cranking! There is a small color TV that gets HBO, Showtime, and HGTV so you won’t miss your favorite Nazi decorating show, or “Realtor Roundup with Butch Duke. “ I’m in the process of running speaker wire throughout the place so you can do your evil Feminist dances to the Nine Inch Voodo0 Dolls or whatever. Ok? You’ll be plenty comfortable. Please bring your own babies to sacrifice, I’m plumb out.
72 responses so far ↓
Aunt B. // April 19, 2007 at 11:50 am
What about candelabras? Will there be candelabras?
Ginger // April 19, 2007 at 12:07 pm
dammit, Mack…is there a fucking regulation-size, no not a wimpy microwave, can-burn-the-mac-&-cheeze-at-550-degrees, oven?
…and how are the gazebo, Powerpoint presentation, and bound handouts coming along?
Aunt B. // April 19, 2007 at 12:23 pm
Do you have us some good ghost stories worked up?
Mr. Mack // April 19, 2007 at 12:31 pm
This is the automated reply widget recently installed by the moderator. The Moderator is busy. Thank you for your comments, even the stupid ones.
Aunt B. // April 19, 2007 at 12:35 pm
This is exactly why I get nervous about commenting over here.
Ginger // April 19, 2007 at 12:39 pm
He does not engage…
Denied.
(sigh)
Aunt B. // April 19, 2007 at 1:13 pm
I should state, for the record, that I am just teasing Mack and am not actually nervous about commenting over here.
nm // April 19, 2007 at 1:32 pm
But did you pick up the asses’ milk for us to mix with the baby blood in our ritual communal bath?
Ginger // April 19, 2007 at 2:25 pm
I should state, for the record, that I am just teasing Mack and am not actually nervous about commenting over here.
…and I’m scared as hell to…
Mr. Mack // April 19, 2007 at 3:06 pm
Ok, I’m back to shower…I’d advice a sweater or light jacket or shawl or throw or vest since it can get cool toward the evening.
Ovens, yes. I’m sweating the centerpiece though…
Aunt B. // April 19, 2007 at 3:12 pm
Wait, you want us to bring extra clothes? I thought we were keeping warm by means of orgy. Is that off the agenda now?
Mr. Mack // April 19, 2007 at 3:14 pm
It’s been replaced by naked twister. Less messy.
Aunt B. // April 19, 2007 at 4:02 pm
I have powerful appetites and I’m not sure that I can be trusted to keep a game of naked Twister wholly on the up-and-up. Soft flesh, supple lips, the warm smell of colitas rising up through the air… well, come now. A girl can hardly help herself under those circumstances.
Aunt B. // April 19, 2007 at 4:03 pm
Also, I just want to state for the record, that, even though I don’t speak Spanish, I believe I have made the greatest word-play to ever be made in the history of this blog and I expect many of you to bow down before me in awe while I strut around the yard.
Ginger // April 19, 2007 at 4:18 pm
the warm smell of colitas rising up through the air…
Is this the Hotel California? We can check in anytime we like, but we can never leave?
Mr. Mack // April 19, 2007 at 4:19 pm
Who am I to pass on a “little tail”?
Ginger // April 19, 2007 at 4:48 pm
Who’s offering?
Aunt B. // April 19, 2007 at 5:29 pm
“Little tail” and, unless the internet is a liar, also some kind bud.
Ginger // April 19, 2007 at 5:37 pm
Aunt B, are you offering to give Mack a little tail in return for some kind bud?
Aunt B. // April 19, 2007 at 6:33 pm
No, my accountant says that sex for drugs is bad fiscal policy.
Ginger // April 19, 2007 at 6:52 pm
…bad fiscal policy in that it doesn’t give you a good return on your investment?
badbadivy // April 19, 2007 at 7:29 pm
All I want to know is if your Girl Scout Cookies are made of real Girl Scouts.
newscoma // April 20, 2007 at 6:24 am
My. I’m off the innertubes for one day and I miss all of this snappy exchange.
Mack, you don’t have to dust for me. Just glad there won’t be ticks and stuff.
And I don’t dust either so when a person hits Chez Coma, they must love and care about me enough to not give a two shits about the fact they can write their name of the coffee table.
Just saying.
Aunt B. // April 20, 2007 at 6:32 am
Thank you, ‘Coma, that’s just what I’ve been saying. If he wants to expend energy, expend energy on composing songs in my honor; that’s much more productive than cleaning.
Rachel // April 20, 2007 at 7:23 am
I’m bringing Cranium, if anybody wants to play.
Mack // April 20, 2007 at 7:58 am
Sure. Is it hard to learn?
Doesn’t anyone in this bunch know how to play euchre?
Rachel // April 20, 2007 at 8:15 am
It’s not hard to learn, but does involve humming, drawing with your eyes closed, spelling backwards, etc. I think it’s really fun with a decent-size group, as you can play with larger than recommended teams.
Ginger // April 20, 2007 at 8:44 am
Is euchre like spades?
Mack // April 20, 2007 at 9:47 am
No, Not to me it isn’t. I hope Coble knows how to play cribbage.
nm // April 20, 2007 at 9:49 am
Is there a CD player and should we all bring our favorite CDs? Our party mixes? Our women’s music?
nm // April 20, 2007 at 9:50 am
Dominoes? Backgammon?
Ginger // April 20, 2007 at 10:12 am
I have Taboo…anybody like it?
Ginger // April 20, 2007 at 10:12 am
too bad there is no Karaoke machine around
Mack // April 20, 2007 at 11:30 am
There is a karaoke machine around….
Nothing I like better than having some drunk read me a song….
Do you guys play volleyball?
Horseshoes?
Katherine Coble // April 20, 2007 at 11:46 am
Cranium rocks, and Mack, Ivy and I are master Euchre players.
As to the volleyball and horseshoes I have a long-standing policy of not playing any game that involves me, projectiles and/or the chance of someone being blinded.
Malia // April 20, 2007 at 11:54 am
You did all that for us, Mack? Well are you just the sweetest?
Hey Peeps, I like Cranium but I’ll also bring Apples 2 Apples for some variety.
Aunt B. // April 20, 2007 at 12:16 pm
Some drunk read you a song? I don’t think Edwards was drunk…
We’ll have to have one round of euchre with Mack, Ivy, Coble, and me. That’ll be fun.
Ginger // April 20, 2007 at 12:17 pm
Nothing I like better than having some drunk read me a song….
God, that would be hysterical…(for me, at least)
Ginger // April 20, 2007 at 12:28 pm
I believe this may be the most highly anticipated event of the year. It’s just about all we talked about at lunch… (between me, coma & Squirrl Queen).
Katherine Coble // April 20, 2007 at 12:45 pm
I’ll sing it loudly, and if you are all still alive after hearing me sing, I’ll give YOU a prize.
Katherine Coble // April 20, 2007 at 12:46 pm
Hey, do any of you have an idea about how I’m gonna keep like five pounds of chicken fresh between going to Mothership for lunch, meeting Lynnster and then driving to Greenbriar?
Aunt B. // April 20, 2007 at 12:56 pm
Mack, I don’t think any of us are old enough to know “I am Woman.”
I could be wrong.
Okay, so, fine. No orgy. It’s probably for the best. I wasn’t sure where I was going to come up with all those clean towels anyway.
Ginger // April 20, 2007 at 1:12 pm
uh, B., I hate to admit this, but I am old enough to know “I Am Woman”… but it would take a whole lotta tequila …
Mack, the timestamp on your comment is off. Did you break your blog?
Katherine Coble // April 20, 2007 at 1:33 pm
At what point do I admit that not only do I know all the words to “I Am Woman”, I actually was just listening to my “Helen Reddy’s Greatest Hits” CD last night?
Mack,
I have NO idea how to play cribbage.
As far as the orgy goes, I’d be fine with it except that means I’d have to go buy new underwear. I have no orgy-appropriate underclothing.
Malia // April 20, 2007 at 2:01 pm
Katherine,
A cooler?
Oh, and I’m bringing a six-pack of cider, too. Tequila scares the hell out of me.
nm // April 20, 2007 at 2:21 pm
I’m also old enough to know “I Am Woman.” IIRC, that was out the same summer as the two different hit versions of “I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing” and the two different versions of “If Not for You.” And something by Badfinger. They don’t make summers like that any more, I tell ya.
Mr. Mack // April 20, 2007 at 4:02 pm
Test
Mr. Mack // April 20, 2007 at 4:03 pm
I had to get rid of my last comment in order to post a comment without being admonished by WordPress that I am posting them too quickly. Sorry.
Rachel // April 20, 2007 at 4:21 pm
What, no croquet?
Rachel // April 20, 2007 at 4:24 pm
Can I buy somebody drinks at a future time to share theirs with me this weekend? I completely forgot to think of that.
Ginger // April 20, 2007 at 4:27 pm
Rachel: never fear, there will be plenty for you.
Mr. Mack // April 20, 2007 at 4:29 pm
Rachel, what do you like? I am happy to provide you with whatever you desire.
Fresh out of eye of newt, though.
Mr. Mack // April 20, 2007 at 4:30 pm
(heads to the store to buy croquet set)
Lynnster // April 20, 2007 at 7:32 pm
KC – I’m sure Jim’d let you stick the chicken in the fridge while we’re at the Mothership, and I’m planning on us just going on out to Greenbrier when Jim closes around 2-ish like he does. Mack can deal with us being early!
Rachel – I am bringing a big bottle of already mixed Lemon Drop, peach schnapps, and a small 4-pack of premixed Mojitos (because I’ve always wanted to try one but don’t know if I’ll like it). Between all of us I think we’ll have plenty to drink on for everyone!
All – I remember hearing about the Bunco party where everyone was too busy talking to play Bunco, y’all really thinking the yakking’s gonna stop long enough for games? Heh.
Katherine Coble // April 20, 2007 at 7:43 pm
Lynnster–Good idea. I did go ahead and get a styrofoam cooler at Fred’s, though. It was only like two bucks or something. Remind me to walk up to the Gas station by Jim’s and get some sodas, though.
Yeah, I don’t think we’ll actually play any games, but it’ll be nice to have them there in theory.
Mr. Mack // April 20, 2007 at 8:18 pm
No, we have to play euchre. I’m more than a little dispapointed that you don’t play cribbage. And you call yourself a Midwesterner.
Katherine Coble // April 20, 2007 at 8:24 pm
Okay, but I have to admit that I’m rusty on Euchre. I haven’t played it in years, except on the computer.
Ginger // April 20, 2007 at 10:19 pm
Lynn, I’m w/ you…I think we’ll all be yakking it up so much that if we do play games, it will be drunken eurchre or drunken cranium…which will be all the more fun… hee!
It Turns Out "Soiree" is Not Spanish for Blogger Orgy « Tiny Cat Pants // April 20, 2007 at 10:23 pm
[...] Other Nonsense, Blogging & Bloggers, Friends & Acquaintances — Aunt B. @ 11:23 pm Mack’s having a soireeup at the cabin tomorrow. I’ve made my famous potato salad, which might be a tad mustardy [...]
badbadivy // April 21, 2007 at 1:02 am
FYI: I am one hell of a Euchre AND a cribbage player. Pretty much, if there’s a card game, I can play it. And if I can’t play it, I’ll fake it.
^loves cards
Lynnster // April 21, 2007 at 1:45 am
I play Euchre but I’m pretty rusty and forget the rules and how to score. My main games have always been Spades and Uno. Uno games with my family get near-homicidal sometimes.
KC – oh, we’ll make a stop at one of the stores for sure, I was going to pick up a bag or two of ice to take out there in case we need it (probably will).
newscoma // April 21, 2007 at 5:04 am
I will show my ignorance at playing games. Squirrelly loves them, I like drinking beer.
Aunt B., I do know the words to “I Am Woman.” My mother taught piano and voice and she taught this song to her students.
And Rachel, there will be plenty of adult beverages bought on our way to “Mister Mack’s Estate.”
Mr. Mack // April 21, 2007 at 6:10 am
Coma! Another early riser!
newscoma // April 21, 2007 at 7:52 am
Yup. Got a hankering for anything specific before I head out there this afternoon.
Mr. Mack // April 21, 2007 at 8:24 am
I need a decent deck of cards. Preferably Bicycle brand. Blue.
My kids have destroyed every deck in the house.
badbadivy // April 21, 2007 at 8:51 am
Haha, I love Bicycle cards the best too. I’ll see what I can dig up in the way of cards. I’m afraid I might only have a Pinochle deck. (Well, 2, since we play double deck Pinochle)
badbadivy // April 21, 2007 at 8:53 am
OK. Rustled up 2 unopened decks of cheap-assed regular playing cards. Sorry they’re not the preferred brand.
Ginger // April 21, 2007 at 9:22 am
Ivy, I have always found “cheap-assed” to be a fine brand.
newscoma // April 21, 2007 at 9:36 am
Okay, headed out from my lovely cheap hotel room. Bottled water, stuff to eat (appetizery things, cheese, whatnot), beer, more beer and Blue Bicycle playing cards as I’m assuming they have more mystical powers than Red ones?
For the record, I know no card games.
I will sing “I Am Woman” as you guys play. Consider me your bad, Holiday Inn Lounge singer during the card games. Squirrel Queen will play. I’ll distract her so Coble can win.
Squirrel Queen also wants you to know she can juggle.
We are here only for your amusement.
Damn, is the orgy off?
Crap.
Ginger // April 21, 2007 at 9:51 am
We are here only for your amusement.
“Remember, this is not a competition, it is only an exhibition — please, no wagering.”
Ouch! « The Dry Spot // April 21, 2007 at 7:29 pm
[...] Ouch! I just felt a sharp, stabbing pain in my side. My first thought was, “who did I piss off at WiccaFest 2007?” [...]
One Man, Fourteen Women « Tiny Cat Pants // April 22, 2007 at 12:33 am
[...] & Bloggers, Friends & Acquaintances — Aunt B. @ 1:27 am I just got back from the blogger soiree up at Mack’s and I just want to say now, so I don’t forget, up there is a man who is [...]